Dreaming of getting some present for scoring well for N level was a huge mistake. What I get from that wasn't any kind of benefits but instead it was all a loss. Planning of getting a present for myself (lg crystal) covered my mind the whole time while I was at home, at work, any where any time but it was all gone just in split seconds. What is this? Other's enjoyed being pampered and being spent with luxurious stuff while Im on the far end, receiving all these?

That phone call I ignored for the first time was the most important phonecall which was bringing the most important and heaviest news. And I ignored it and continue doing stock checking at work. The next phonecall was the phonecall I was hoping that I will never receive.

She was someone who I thought would be one of the strongest grandmother living on Earth. She was someone who kept on calling each and every of her children's house almost every hour, without fail just to check whether us, her grandchildren have eaten, got home safely from here and there and so on. We tend to get irritated at times and I regret for feeling so.

But what's the point of regretting ?

It didn't strike me until I saw her body. As cold as she was in Claim 2, I couldn't imagine how cold it would be in the 'icebox' of the Mortuary that she was kept in for one night. My aunty who was badly affected fainted and was shivering the whole time and was saying, ' mak sejuk ' (granny's cold). Seeing everyone tearing up, especially grandad hurts the hell out of me. As a BIG family of almost 30 grandchildren and about 10 children never ever so grandad cried before, until that day.

Abah, we all janji untuk jage abah. bersabar jer bah..

The traditional process before the burial is pretty personal. All I can say is it was my first experience of loosing someone who's close to heart and it was something I dont ever want to face again.

Slept at Granny's for two days. Now back home after the compassionate leave and will be working 12hours shift tmr, at 11.

Mak, yaya akan bace kan Alfatiha dan ingatkan mak. Terime kasih mak untuk segale gale nyer. I'll always be your Ikan parang who has gone chubbier now mak.


It hurts even more when my niece whispered at late granny's ears while sobbing,
'kenape dier buat nek yang ain mcm gini?'